"Do or do not. There is no try"

"Do or do not. There is no try" is a quote from one of my favorite movie series. That saying in itself, could not be more accurate to daily life. So often we say, "Well, I'll try". I've learned over the years that "I'll try" is an excuse not to do your best. It's a precursor for failure. If you say "I'll try" no one will hold you accountable if you fail. You will not hold yourself accountable if you fail.

We have to get into the mindset of actually doing what we say we are going to do. If you tell a co-worker, a family member, a friend, "I'll do that for you", then do it. Your word is your bond (bond = promise). Take accountability for your actions, your decision making and ultimately your success and failures. If you make the effort and fail, be proud in the fact that you gave your all. If you make the effort and succeed, enjoy knowing you have accomplished the task at hand and continue to move forward.

Believe it or not, success starts with having the right mindset. If you tell yourself, you are not going to do well, chances are you are not going to do well. If you say, I'm going to past this test or I'm going to get this job, then you will. I'm not saying there aren't going to obstacles, because there will be. I'd like to reference Michael Jordan. The man many of us consider to be the greatest basketball player ever. This man was cut from his high school basketball team. If his mindset would have been, "well, I tried", there is no telling if we would even have an NBA today.

Condition your mind that you can do it. That you can make it. The road isn't always easy. There will be struggles, but make up your mind that you will make it. That you will succeed..."Just do it"!

Listen To Yourself For A Change...

Have you ever dated someone for a few months, only to hear, "I'm not sure we are on the same page". Months of talking, going out, laughing and even being intimate. Not because they want to see other people. Not because they realized they suddenly didn't want to be with you, but because they are afraid of being happy. 

Ever so often, we find people that are mildly self-destructive and then they wonder why they are not happy. They get in a relationship, everything is going good and then, it's a friend that has a bad relationship or things about an ex comes up. The person then starts trying to poke holes into what's working. "Have I been single long enough? Is this really the right person for me? Am I on the rebound? Do I need to just focus on me?" Don't forget, at this point, the relationship is actually going very well. 

So, you turn to those closest to you for advice. The mom (who isn't so happy in her relationship, whose also in her second marriage) telling you that you should be alone, because that's what she'd do if she could do it over. The friend that's jealous of them and their relationship talking about everything negative because she is alone and we all know "misery loves company". So now even though you have been in a great relationship, the doubt is starting to sink in. 

How did we go from a great new relationship, to now not knowing if you want to be with someone? I'll tell you...by not following your heart. By listening to others. 

We live and love throughout our lifetime. It's safe not to take a chance, not to take a risk on love. If you are not willing to take that chance, stop asking God to send you someone for you, if you only intend on giving up on what HE sends you. By living in fear of "what if" you never really enjoy what you have and grow in what could be. How about praying and thanking God for what you have and the continued growth of your new relationship instead of dwelling on "what if". 

How Slow is Slow?

Sometimes when starting a new relationship, one party usually says, "Let's take things slow". The question then becomes, how slow is slow? What context is that meant to be in? Does that mean get to know one another before becoming intimate? Does it mean we only have one date a week? Does it mean not meeting friends or family until several months have gone by? 

The real question is, how long do you try to hold on to someone after "taking it slow" starts taking forever. You share your feelings, talk about the small things, work toward long term and the other person is still saying "I want to take it slow with you". Months have went by and you still haven't met their friends or family. Are they embarrassed to show you off? Are they scared their family won't like you or are they just not sure they want to be with you? 

The final question and though is, how long do you keep standing by? You want to be with that person. You have shown and told them on multiple occasions you wanted to be with them. You wanted to build a life and a future with them. You not only say it, but your actions prove it time and time again. How long do you keep trying? How long do you let you love seemingly fade into thin air...

Patience

Sometimes we meet someone and fall head over heals for them. Their smile is intoxicating. Their eyes sparkle in every glimmer of light. They have the personality to make anyone feel comfortable. You find yourself wanting to spend every minute of your free time with them. Wanting to be close to them if only to hold hands and watch TV or share a meal, a walk.

As you get to know that person, you understand they have problems and issues. I mean who doesn't. You assure that person that you are there for them and you want to be in their life. They are afraid, because they have been hurt. That is completely understandable. You try to comfort them and they push you away. Don't give up on them. You can't help how you feel.

Listen to them. If they tell you how they feel, take that into account and consideration. You can't force someone to love you. You can only be there for them and let them know that you care for them.

You may ask, "Well, how long should I wait?" Each situation is different. If you truly love the person, there isn't a limit on the amount of time you would wait. If you love them and looking for more, talk to that person. Tell them how you feel. Sometime its just that simple. If you feel you have given your all and nothing is changing, maybe it is time to move on. Sometimes people don't recognize what they have until it's gone.

Just remember, communication is the key. Let them know how you feel. If they are not where you are, you are going to have to make the decision to have patience or move on. The choice is yours.

Bounce Back

You know how they say one door closes and another one opens? Well, that statement is very true. When you end a relationship or are a part of a relationship ending, there are a lot of feelings. There could be resentment, anger, frustration, sadness. A multitude of emotions. Then there are people on the opposite side of the spectrum. They don't care, move on within days, literally forget you existed. You never know how it will turn out. Each person is different. Hopefully you are a mature adult and can express how you feel to the person you are breaking up with or the person that broke up with you. If it was bad, well, they stuck around this long. If it was good, there isn't any reason to be bitter. Some people grow together, some grow apart.

The main thing here is how you recover. Now, you can sit around and mope and be sad. That is totally understandable. However, at some point, you have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back out there. What one person didn't like about you, the next person may. The key is to be real with yourself and your feelings. Know what you want and what you are looking for, and then get back out there. Don't hold on to the negativity. Be willing to judge the next person based on their actions, not actions that remind you of your ex. There may be similarities, but communicate with your new partner and let them know how you are feeling.

Learn from your mistakes. Open your heart to new possibilities. Life is too short to hold grudges and not be happy.

P.S. If you are the heart-breaker, be honest with your partner. Don't be petty. Before you break up with the person, ask yourself, why am I breaking up with them. Please make sure it isn't something shallow. If you have someone that adores you and you are not happy, you owe it to tell them. Try to work it out. If you can't, then end it on good terms. Even if you can't be friends, be mature about how you do it. You will be a better person for it.

Happiness

What is happiness? Is it having money? Is it being surrounded by friends and family? Is it having your dream job? Getting a good night's sleep every night? Cuddling up on the couch with your partner on a rainy afternoon? Honestly, all of these are forms of happiness...for someone.

We all have an idea of what we consider being happy. What one person may feel is happiness for them, may not be the same for the next person. We are all individuals that have different wants and needs. The amazing thing is when you meet someone that shares your visions of happiness. That's when it starts to come together. We are not meant to be alone: The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

We all need someone in our lives to be there for us. To help us, to support us, to be there for us. When you find that special person, give 100% of you and continue to find your happiness.

Friends and How They Affect Your Relationship

In this day and age of social media, our friends get to see what's happening in our lives by status updates and posting pictures. Some of our friends we call and/or visit to share updates on our lives. Let's speak on the impact of friends in your relationship.

I will be the first to tell you, there is nothing wrong with having friends. However, it's up to you and your partner if you choose to keep close contact with friends of the opposite sex (an entirely different topic). Friends can be great comforters during hard times and awesome supporters during the good times. The issue is, our friends tend be able to sway our thinking based on their own personal affairs. For example, your best friend could have just went though a bad breakup. You talk to them about it. All of a sudden you start questioning the same things about your partner (even if they have NEVER given you an indication of what you are thinking).

Another issue is a when you have a friend that's jealous of your life. Of course they would never admit it, but this is when they start telling you all of the things THEY don't like about your partner (even if you like those things). The problem here is if you hear those things long enough, you start to believe them, and effectively changing your relationship over time.

Of course there is the "misery loves company" friend. They are not in a relationship, so they tell you that you don't need to be in one. They try to show you how appealing the single life is. The issue with this is, you want to be in a relationship.You enjoy sharing your life with another person and being a part of theirs. So you end up listening to your friend and having miserable time,because it's not really what you are looking for.

So the question is, can you recognize when your friends are not helping your relationship? Are you willing to have them take a back seat to you being happy? Maybe they helped you though a tough time in your life? OK, so they helped you out. Thank you. It still doesn't give them (or family members-yes another topic) the right to tell you what you should and shouldn't be doing. Your happiness is YOUR happiness. No other individual has the right to tell you what makes you happy or tell you how you should live your life. It's up to you to find the joy your heart desires and continue to build on that joy. Friends are great to have, but recognize when they are doing more harm than good.