Relationships and Kids

As we all know, relationships require time, patience, effort and work to be successful. Once you add kids to the mix, that adds an entirely new dimension to the relationship. I'll assume a few things before I get started. Things like you have told your partner you have kids, how many and their ages.

Now, if you are a single parent (full time or shared time) you have to ask yourself a few things before you start dating:

1. Am I looking to just date and hang out?
2. Am I looking for someone for me (usually for people with older kids)?
3. Am I looking for someone that's parent material (likes kids, wants a family) and will be a good partner for me?

Depending on what you are looking for, your relationship could take a turn for the better or worse. If you meet someone and they are all about hanging out and go-go-go,.then you say, "Let's take the kids here" and their response/body language turns into something you didn't expect, chances are, they are not ready to be a parent figure. Let's move on shall we...

Now, the next part is based on the situation. You could have older, self sufficient kids, that are capable of taking care of themselves when you are not around. The thing is, when you are seriously wanting to date someone, you need to discuss the situation with your kids. You are dating for you, but you don't want them to feel like they are being put to the side for this new person. You still have to make time for them of course and continue to show them the same level of love and affection. Let them know that you want to bring this person into your lives for the better. Kids will form their own opinions after spending time with your friend. Even after spending time, if your older kids don't like your friend all that well, just ask your kids to respect your relationship. If you decide to get married/move in with that person, well, that's an entirely different conversation :-)

If you are just reviewing your options (dating around), take this into consideration. You are going to meet people that just want to date. You are going to meet people that are looking for a relationship. You are going to meet people that don't know what they want in life. Hopefully you know what you want to do ahead of time. That way you won't end up dating someone and they are looking for more and you are not. You could end up serious about that person and they just want to date. Lastly, you could end up with someone that doesn't know what they want. Those hurt the worse, because you could have given your 100% while they are only giving 30%. At times they give you 100%, but end up hoovering between 50% - 70%. Just let them know how you feel about them. Let them make the decision. You can't force someone to love you or be with you.You can just show them what you have to offer them (...and hopefully it will work out for you).

Bottom line, try to know what you want before you start dating.You are not the only person in a relationship or could be affected by the negative or positive outcome of your actions. Good luck and I hope you find the person that's for you.