Being Selfish

Have you ever found yourself living your life for someone else? This could be your spouse, kids, family, friends. You are always doing what your friends ask or what your family ask. You are always that rock for your spouse or your kids. After a while, you can get worn down and worn out from being everything for everyone else. 

Now, I'm not saying you should just "go for yours" and forget everyone. What I am saying is from time to time, you need to be aware of the importance of being there for yourself. You can go, go, go, but in the end, you are drained and the people you are doing all of these things for a just as healthy and as happy as can be. 

Believe me, there is nothing wrong with giving your all for your kids, but hey, in time, kids grow up and they leave to start their own lives. Your spouse, well hopefully if you have done things right, your love and relationship is as strong as ever. Still each person needs that "away time" where you are out doing something for you, recharging your batteries. Then you can go back to being the best YOU that you can be. 

So to all my friends with a big heart, take a minute or two for yourself from time to time to recharge, release and refresh yourself. You will be happy you did. 

Take Time To Be A Dad Today

Gentlemen, I'm sure you've seen the commercials on ESPN where they show a scene of a little kid doing something, and then the dad comes over to help. Then they go off into the music and say, "take time to be a dad today". I believe they have the right concept behind those commercials, however, being a good father has to come from inside of you.

I can admit, I haven't always been the best father. I know there were times where I could have done a better job at being apart of my kids lives. Now, this has nothing to do with me and my father and our relationship. I can honestly say, I'm the father I am today because of my dad.

True enough, you may have grown up in a home where your father was barely around or not around at all. Some of you even had your father there the entire time. As we do in most family settings, we take what we know as "normal" from our childhood and try to incorporate that into our lives. We do this knowingly and unknowingly. The think that they are still doing studies on this: Will a boy grow to become a good father, because they had a great father growing up? Will the young man grow up to be an absent father because his own father was not around much? Will a young man know how to treat his kids by not having a father figure in their lives at all? I don't care how much research they do, there is no way of knowing. There are plenty of troubled young men that didn't have their father growing up that turned out to be great fathers with a successful marriage. There are young men that had their father around and gave them everything. They grow up to resent them for being there.

Being a dad isn't an exact science. There are plenty of books and people that think they know. I suggest talking to men you trust. Read a book or two on parenting. In the end, your kids are your kids. Spend time with them. Get to know them and who they are. As much as we'd like to think they are mirror images of us, they aren't.

Take the time to be there for you kids. That hour you spend with them can be life changing compared to that hour in front of the TV, at the bar, playing games. I'm not saying forget who you are and just kids, kids, kids. What I am saying is understand the importance of spending time with your kids. They really do listen and believe it or not, they really do want to spend time with you. Take time to be a dad today...

Relationships and Kids

As we all know, relationships require time, patience, effort and work to be successful. Once you add kids to the mix, that adds an entirely new dimension to the relationship. I'll assume a few things before I get started. Things like you have told your partner you have kids, how many and their ages.

Now, if you are a single parent (full time or shared time) you have to ask yourself a few things before you start dating:

1. Am I looking to just date and hang out?
2. Am I looking for someone for me (usually for people with older kids)?
3. Am I looking for someone that's parent material (likes kids, wants a family) and will be a good partner for me?

Depending on what you are looking for, your relationship could take a turn for the better or worse. If you meet someone and they are all about hanging out and go-go-go,.then you say, "Let's take the kids here" and their response/body language turns into something you didn't expect, chances are, they are not ready to be a parent figure. Let's move on shall we...

Now, the next part is based on the situation. You could have older, self sufficient kids, that are capable of taking care of themselves when you are not around. The thing is, when you are seriously wanting to date someone, you need to discuss the situation with your kids. You are dating for you, but you don't want them to feel like they are being put to the side for this new person. You still have to make time for them of course and continue to show them the same level of love and affection. Let them know that you want to bring this person into your lives for the better. Kids will form their own opinions after spending time with your friend. Even after spending time, if your older kids don't like your friend all that well, just ask your kids to respect your relationship. If you decide to get married/move in with that person, well, that's an entirely different conversation :-)

If you are just reviewing your options (dating around), take this into consideration. You are going to meet people that just want to date. You are going to meet people that are looking for a relationship. You are going to meet people that don't know what they want in life. Hopefully you know what you want to do ahead of time. That way you won't end up dating someone and they are looking for more and you are not. You could end up serious about that person and they just want to date. Lastly, you could end up with someone that doesn't know what they want. Those hurt the worse, because you could have given your 100% while they are only giving 30%. At times they give you 100%, but end up hoovering between 50% - 70%. Just let them know how you feel about them. Let them make the decision. You can't force someone to love you or be with you.You can just show them what you have to offer them (...and hopefully it will work out for you).

Bottom line, try to know what you want before you start dating.You are not the only person in a relationship or could be affected by the negative or positive outcome of your actions. Good luck and I hope you find the person that's for you.