Is Your Souse Your Best Friend?

We all have friends that we turn to for different things. We have the popular, ever growing Facebook friends that we share status updates with, pictures and the highlights of our day. We have friends that we hang out with when we want to have a good time. We have friends that we hang out with when things are going bad. The question is, do you turn to that individual closest to you? For the committed boyfriend/girlfriend, it should be that significant other. For the married couple, it should be your spouse. If you are not sharing your most intimate issues with the person you are suppose to love the most in this world, I seriously question your commitment to that individual. 

You don't share your issues with your bestfriends, father, mother, brother or sister, before you share them with your spouse. Remember when you said, "For better or worse, in sickness and in health"? They should have also included "When you have a bad day. When your boss gets on your last nerve. When you get laid off. When you get a promotion." It seems like we are so quick to call that buddy for a drink or tell the girls "we need a girl's night out", instead of calling your spouse and saying, "Guess what, I got a promotion" or "I'm having a bad day today". 

If you are not putting your spouse first, I have to ask, why not? Are they not the person you chose to share your life with? Are they not the person laying next to your every night? Are they not the person that helps you financially? There for you when you are sick? Helps you with the kids? So why not give them the respect they deserve of being the one that shares in your joys and pains first? The person you turn to for advice and guidance. It's God, husband, kids, family, everyone else, self. For men, it should be God, wife, kids, family, everyone else, self. Love God with all of your heart and love your neighbor as you would love yourself. 

So, the next time you get good news or bad news, turn to the one that's there for you. Re-evaluate your relationship make your spouse your priority over your friends, over your family. Your marriage should include God, your spouse and you (in that order). Ladies, if you have a good man, you will never have to worry about your kids. Men, you have a wife that will be there for you, so throw the fishing pole away. You have caught the last fish in the sea for you. Put God first and grow in His grace and grow together with one another.

Being Selfish

Have you ever found yourself living your life for someone else? This could be your spouse, kids, family, friends. You are always doing what your friends ask or what your family ask. You are always that rock for your spouse or your kids. After a while, you can get worn down and worn out from being everything for everyone else. 

Now, I'm not saying you should just "go for yours" and forget everyone. What I am saying is from time to time, you need to be aware of the importance of being there for yourself. You can go, go, go, but in the end, you are drained and the people you are doing all of these things for a just as healthy and as happy as can be. 

Believe me, there is nothing wrong with giving your all for your kids, but hey, in time, kids grow up and they leave to start their own lives. Your spouse, well hopefully if you have done things right, your love and relationship is as strong as ever. Still each person needs that "away time" where you are out doing something for you, recharging your batteries. Then you can go back to being the best YOU that you can be. 

So to all my friends with a big heart, take a minute or two for yourself from time to time to recharge, release and refresh yourself. You will be happy you did. 

Reflection

Take a minute to just sit back and have a nice long look at the wonderful moments in your life. We often take ourselves too serious and the wonderful experiences that helped to get us to where we are, take a backseat to where we are in life now.

I'm sure there are good moments and bad moments alike, but why not think about your first kiss from time to time? Why not think about your first puppy or the first time you held hands with someone you liked? Think about the basketball game where you scored 30 points or the time you hit 3 home runs in a single game. 

Those memories helped to make us who we are. They lie dormant until there is a class reunion or an old friend from school stops by. Take a moment and remissness about the "good ole days" and just smile. Think about the girl/boy that got away. Think about the "what if".

After you have taken a scroll down memory lane, reach out to a long lost friend and let them know you are thinking of them. Connect and share a moment together. Re-live the happy times that both of you shared. Make a new memory to share the next time you have a moment of reflection.  

Stop Making Excuses

Now, I know I'm not going to make many people happy about this one and I'm OK with that.

I am personally tired of hearing excuse after excuse on why people fail. Things like, "I am messed up because I had a bad childhood. I can't keep a job because my dad could't keep a job. The white man is never going to let the black man get ahead. Women are never treated the same as men at work. The government owes me. 400 years of slavery, they should pay us something. I was raised in the hood. I was raised in the country. My parents didn't push me. My parents pushed me too hard."

I could go on and on about those statements or as I like to call them, excuses. I will openly admit, yes, I'm sure there is scientific reasoning that will back up some of those statements. Repetitive negative behavior, just like repetitive positive behavior can have an impact on a person's life. That can be true as a child and as an adult. There is a need for psychiatrist and psychologist to help people figure out where they are headed in life. However, people still have to make a choice to do better, to be better.

There are so many people, major role models and historical figures (some having it much worse in my opinion) and they were able to make a difference, to make something out of their lives. People like Rosa Parks, Maya Angelou, Martin L. King Jr., Malcolm X, Medgar Evers. If I may go back even further, George Washington Carver. To touch on the ones you may really recognize, Michael Jordan, Michael Jackson, Mike Tyson. These people were not born famous. They were not born successful. They worked hard at it. What they all shared was passion, goals, determination, the sheer will to be the best they could be. These people were not born rich. They were not born famous. At some point in their lives, they decided who they were and what they were going to be.

You are going to have to find your motivation, your passion. Whether that is sparked by family, kids, a relationship or you just want a better life for yourself, there are ways to get it. YOU have to make that decision to do, be better. Stop making excuses and take a long hard look in the mirror. There is opportunity out there for everyone. The question is, are you going to let your opportunity pass you by or are you going to get on the train of life and see where it takes you? The choice is yours.  

You Can Do Anything You Put Your Mind To

Way to often we think, "I can't do that" or "I'm not like them". I'd like to ask YOU the question, why do you think that? What makes the next person so different from you? You have a head, two arms, two legs, etc. I'll tell you a few of the differences. It's will, drive, will, determination and most importantly, attitude.

So, you don't have as much money. There are things called student loans, grants. Who says you have to go to a 4 year university? There are plenty of accredited community colleges. There is the excuse, "I work and have a family" or "I'm a single parent". Well, there are evening classes, weekend classes, online classes. Think of how much more you will be able to do for your family once you have that degree. The one that you hear now is, "I'm too old". Well, I got news for ya. My own mother (a grandmother) earned her degree well over the age of 50.

There is no reason you can't do what you want to do in order to succeed in life. You want a better job? Read, study, go to school. Request a meeting to speak with the HR person at that company to learn more about what you need to do to obtain a job. If you want to get ahead at your current job, talk to your boss. Let them know you want to achieve more, do more, be more.

First thing you need to do is get your mind right and say, "I can do it", because you can. There is nothing and no one that can prevent you from achieving your goal. You are somebody. You can achieve your goals. I'm not saying it's going to be easy. In most cases it isn't. The only person that can hold you back is you. So, start telling yourself you can do it...and then do it.

Take Time To Be A Dad Today

Gentlemen, I'm sure you've seen the commercials on ESPN where they show a scene of a little kid doing something, and then the dad comes over to help. Then they go off into the music and say, "take time to be a dad today". I believe they have the right concept behind those commercials, however, being a good father has to come from inside of you.

I can admit, I haven't always been the best father. I know there were times where I could have done a better job at being apart of my kids lives. Now, this has nothing to do with me and my father and our relationship. I can honestly say, I'm the father I am today because of my dad.

True enough, you may have grown up in a home where your father was barely around or not around at all. Some of you even had your father there the entire time. As we do in most family settings, we take what we know as "normal" from our childhood and try to incorporate that into our lives. We do this knowingly and unknowingly. The think that they are still doing studies on this: Will a boy grow to become a good father, because they had a great father growing up? Will the young man grow up to be an absent father because his own father was not around much? Will a young man know how to treat his kids by not having a father figure in their lives at all? I don't care how much research they do, there is no way of knowing. There are plenty of troubled young men that didn't have their father growing up that turned out to be great fathers with a successful marriage. There are young men that had their father around and gave them everything. They grow up to resent them for being there.

Being a dad isn't an exact science. There are plenty of books and people that think they know. I suggest talking to men you trust. Read a book or two on parenting. In the end, your kids are your kids. Spend time with them. Get to know them and who they are. As much as we'd like to think they are mirror images of us, they aren't.

Take the time to be there for you kids. That hour you spend with them can be life changing compared to that hour in front of the TV, at the bar, playing games. I'm not saying forget who you are and just kids, kids, kids. What I am saying is understand the importance of spending time with your kids. They really do listen and believe it or not, they really do want to spend time with you. Take time to be a dad today...

The Grass Isn't Always Greener...

You ever hear the term, "The grass is greener on the other side"? Meaning, what's over there is better than what you have. Sometimes this is true, sometimes it isn't. Each situation is different. It could be related to a job, moving to the other side of town, it's even used in relationships.

Work - You have to carefully review your situation and circumstances before making a decision to do something different (or what you perceive as better). Make sure you are making the change for the right reasons and not just for "right now". Sometimes work gets complacent and you get the need to do more, to be more. In some cases, it's monetary reasons that inspire you to make a change. Evaluate all of your work conditions and options. Make the best decision that encompasses all you want to do and where you want to go. Have a plan and then execute that plan to get to where you want to be.

Moving - This (in my opinion) is the easiest decision to make. Perhaps you took a new job and received a promotion. The area you are looking to move to has better schools or more activities for the kids. It may even be closer to work. Again, weigh out the pros and cons. New neighbors, new friends for the kids. New commute to work, etc. Make sure it's the best for you (if you don't have a family) and make sure it's the best decision for your family.

Relationships - Oh boy...now here's a big one. There are so many reasons that you need to weigh out ALL of your options. First things first. Always work on your relationship. Talk it out. Share with each other your thoughts and feelings and try to come to a compromise. Don't sweat the little things and put 100% effort into everything you do ---- Now, if you have put all you can into the relationship and it's not working again, talk it out and decide to split ways on good terms. Don't go cheat or stay round and grow to resent each other. Be adults about the situation. Just make sure it's what you want and again...for the right reasons. As I said, "The grass isn't always greener on the other side".